macymoo

I have sort of written a draft of my wedding vows! Isn't exactly something easy to write, but having it personalised makes it much more meaningful :)

Less than 2 months to go....

Watched the movie The Vow, which gave me some inspiration as well as made me think deeper into the whole meaning of "vows". Why do you need to make vows or promises when you can break them easily? Do your vows mean anything to you, does it reach into the depths of your soul and reflects your innermost feelings and commitment to the other? Do you speak with respect, with love and most importantly with the understanding of marriage?

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa

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Third April 2012.

Having a headache while at work now. Feeling super guilty today because I ate a coconut cone from Island creamery post lunch today. burp.

My eyebags are getting worse. Haven been getting 7 hours of minimum sleep.. I wonder why I can't get to sleep at night and then end up having weird and scary dreams. My dreams are also in RPG settings- zombie land, aliens/monsters, criminals, crime solving... Death. Destruction. Escape. Hope. Life. Maybe that's why I resonate with The Hunger Games.

Partly I think I am kinda stressed out by the preparation and coordination work for the wedding. Mostly is also the fickle mind at play. Oh wells.

Work is ok ok ok. Nothing exciting. Maybe except the PB and increment part. Screaming for new work!! New things to do!!

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Something fun in the middle of the work week - liaising with an Italian Chef for a menu for my Big Boss' corporate dinner. Woooo..

Finding comfort that this is the closest thing to working with the culinary world, at the same time checking out Italian food.

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鹿鹿和我要去台灣了！ 好開心！！

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如果有一天，我的世界里只剩下我自己，我要勇敢面对。不能迷茫，不能放弃，不能失去爱我自己的权利。我要永远永远牢记在心。

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I hate it all.

Urghh. AHHHHHHH!

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I question- was it even necessary to keep it a secret? To respect the couple other things could be done. For one, you don't have to reveal everything. At least don't mislead me into believing all that is not; all that is a facade.

It is like when I fall I fall hard. And painful.

I feel like I am being treated like a fool. Like an unimportant object. Like a stranger and outsider.

You want to keep your secrets- but think about it before you do. Keeping secrets blindly has consequences. Keeping secrets also mean managing secrets and how the receiving end will react when u finally wanna reveal it all.

Or fucking hell don't even reveal. There is no logic to keeping the secret. None at all.

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I can't make sense of things now, I am losing my mind.

How can the anger and hurt disappear from my body? Teach me a way please.

I haven't felt like this before, yet I doubt if anyone understands.. You have to right to keep ur secrets and promise but at the expense of hurting the one you love. I believe it could be better managed.

Fucking hell.

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Life is back to normal, not.

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Life is back to normal, not.

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